When Friendships Fade
Not everyone is going to like your decision to get sober and they'll likely fall off the friendship wagon quite quick. But what about the close friendships that feel like they are fading when you decide to get sober?
First off, you're not alone. This is a normal thing to navigate whenever you're making any type of lifestyle change, just ask any pregnant woman or new mom.
One thing you'll likely notice is the clarity that comes with sobriety and you become so much more aware of how people make you feel. For some relationships this might mean you're now aware that some people just aren't on the same wavelength with you right now.
It's okay for friendships to be like seasons. We don't have to hang on to friendships that aren't serving us anymore. It doesn't mean that a friendship wasn't serving you at one time, and maybe thats exactly the person and friend we needed in that time of our lives. We can feel and express gratitude for the friendship and appreciate that it enhanced and shaped that version of you when you needed it most. And just because the friendship doesn't feel extremely close right now does not make that friendship a failure. The truth to be acknowledged is that things have changed in and around you.
Stepping back from friends that are still in the party mode or use drinking as an activity is okay. Making your sobriety your first priority is so important. It doesn't mean they don't like you anymore, it doesn't mean you don't like them. It simply means that you both are currently enjoying different things and that is okay.
And who knows, maybe the friendships that feel like they are fading are going to be the ones that come back and meet you where you are at should they also choose the difficult but beautiful path of sobriety.
From my personal experience, yes I feel that some friendships have faded because of my choice, but that doesn't mean there is any negative energy between us, if anything, I hold these friends extremely close to my heart. These are friends that I deeply care for, and know that they also care for me. If I ever needed anything I could always reach out and ask, and certainly would be there for any of them in a heartbeat. It just means our lives are growing in different directions at the time being and I have hope, faith, and trust in the core of our friendship that they will be rekindled when the time is right.
This perspective frees me from the illusion that I'm not included in their lives. When you see the pictures posted on social media and feel the sting of exclusion it can create feelings of jealousy, resentment, or bitterness. It's important not to let that initial feeling carry you away in your feelings. One of the most amazing parts about sobriety is that we actually feel the feelings and allow them to grow us in ways only feeling them can. These are exactly the feelings we would often choose to numb with drinks.
Lastly, I feel like it should be said that when some doors close it allows room for others to be opened and explored. Some times when friendships fade it opens up the space for other friendships to deepen and flourish. Focus on today and the growth that comes with being present, mindful, and grateful for how far you've come on this journey.
In my next post, I'll be talking more about community and connection. So stay tuned and we'll chat soon.
All good things always,
Ky
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