February: Chapter 2 of 12

    

Oh hey.  Me again.

    I decided to keep this monthly blog thing a thing.  I like to recap.  It helps me not to dwell on just the crappy parts, but to really take inventory of all the goodness and joy there was, even in the mundane, even in the middle of winter.  Well to start, I bet some of you who read my January blog is wondering if I drank since then.  And yes I have.  I have and it wasn't a big deal.  In fact, I didn't miss it all that much. I do enjoy a cold beer from time to time, but drinking just to drink doesn't do it for me anymore.  You can quote me on this, but "drinking" feels like the new "smoking"...just something I might be growing out of. I don't know it's just weird, because so much of life is centered around alcohol.  You might think I'm exaggerating, but think of every single social event on your calendar.  If you aren't drinking at them, you're probably drinking before or after them.  Plus, I really am just over feeling like shit the day after drinking.  It's annoying to not have the energy to do things and reason enough for me to keep my limit to one or two drinks if and when I decide to imbibe.

    I don't necessarily love the month of February. I think that most of us think of Valentine's Day when we think of February and I just don't think V-day is all that important. I do like the fact that the kids bring home candy from school and we grown-ups get to sift through and eat a few sweets.  I also thought it was cute when Cris surprised me with flowers from Sam's Club after making him take the boys so that I could get some peace and quiet.  There is something about seeing little boys with flowers running up to you with a handsome man carrying toilet paper in bulk that does something to ya, ya know?  But other than Valentine's Day, February is kind of a "meh" month here in Pennsylvania.  It's typically bitter cold and there isn't an end of winter in sight.  The groundhog confirmed that we'd be in for six more weeks of winter and thankfully, even if that were to be true, we've had some unusually warm days this month.

    At some point, I had taken out the chair cushions for the deck and sat outside under a blanket and warm sunshine, and wrote in my journal as the birds chirped their happy tunes.  I loved that moment. It's one that I intentionally slowed down and savored.  I remember it so clearly because that was also the day I ran into my neighbor, Sam.  Sam is a wise old man who's traveled the earth. He's lived on almost every continent and has been to more countries than I can count.  He's seen a lot.  And when we see each other, he offers wisdom in buckets full. He inspires me. I love running into him and hearing about his latest adventure.  If you ever get the chance to chat with someone older than you, vastly different from you, and well-traveled, take the time to listen.  You will be richer for it.

    Lent started.  I went back and forth in my brain for way too long and ultimately decided to give up alcohol, again.  I did "Dry January" so I felt like doing another extended break from alcohol would really help me decide if this is something I'd like to continue.  So there's that.  I'm AF again and look forward to all my weekends when I don't feel like a slug.

    February was a short month, but before it ended, I got my ears pierced.  I've always wanted a second ear piercing. I had literally everything else pierced at some time in my life (that's a whole other blog post) so getting my second holes done feels like it's something I would have done ages ago.  But I digress, one trip to the mall later and I came home a little more holey.  As Lara Casey always says, "You know those things you've always wanted to do? You should go do them."

    There were some crappy parts, I don't want an entire post to be about the part that I hated the most, but I lived this nightmare so you are going to have to buckle up and read along. I have emetophobia.  It started when I was 6 years old and something traumatic happened to me.  I was standing in line at the water fountain, patiently waiting my turn, and as soon as I bent over to take a sip I felt a warm and wet heat cover my entire back and pants.  Yep, I got puked on, in front of everyone.  The kids gasped and then started with the "ew!" and "gross!" as they pointed at me. I was horrified.  I wish that was the end of my traumatic barf experiences, but it's not, there was this other time when we were in the Bahamas on vacation, enjoying life in paradise when it all came to an abrupt end when we got a phone call in our hotel room notifying us that my grandpa died.  I honestly don't remember much after that phone call except being in a rush.  We rushed to pack and rushed to get to the airport and rushed to get some food in our bellies before the long flight home.  Side note, this is why I will forever not eat "all beef hotdogs."  Next thing I know, I'm on a plane, in the middle seat, being woken up from a nap and projectile vomiting on the floor in front of me.  I remember everything about that moment.  I remember my Uncle Dave sitting next to me on my right, trapped between me and the window, helpless and disgusted. My Aunt Paula on my other side doing her best to comfort a barfy eight-year-old terrified little girl.  The vomiting didn't stop.  It was awful.  Not only was I sick from both ends, but my grandpa was also dead. There's more to that story, but we'll end it there for now.  I have a handful of other times we could reminisce over that scarred me for life, but I just don't want to talk about it. So when I say I have a legit phobia, it's something I've dealt with for almost my entire life.  Queue the last weekend of February when Madden got bit by the stomach bug.

    Poor Madden.  Ugh, it was awful, for him and for me.  He was crying and I was praying.  I was praying that God would be with me. I was panicking and full of anxiety.  I was afraid that he would vomit on me in his sleep.  I was just begging God to be with me.  When I realized that he had fallen asleep in between the bouts of barf, I laid my head down and begged God to let me know that He was with me.  That's when I felt my dog's tail gently sweep across my head as he laid down next to me and it felt like God used my little furbaby to comfort me.  The timing was impeccable and I don't believe in coincidences.  

    Everyone is doing okay and my faith has grown once again.  I am in awe of the peace that God poured into my heart when I was in desperate need.  I was able to care for, comfort, and clean up Madden and also take care of the entire mess that goes along with a puking kid.  I've come a long way, the old me would have woken up Cris and let him take care of it all while I escaped in any way I could.

    Now that February has come to an end, I'm so looking forward to March, but ultimately know that God is in control.  I look forward to continuing my Alcohol-Free lifestyle.  My oldest son, Landry is turning 9 years old, and with a lot of special social events coming up, I get to see some of my favorite people. 

    No matter what February was like one thing I know for sure is that growth is inevitable.  We typically grow through the things that are difficult.  So I encourage you to take a look back over this path month and look at the times when things didn't go your way and how it helped you move forward with a new perspective. Let that propel you into March with hope in your heart and gratitude for the growth that will occur.

Peace and Blessings,

Ky