Punch Yourself In the Face

    I was going to preface this blog post that if you're a dude, you should stop reading now, but to be honest, I think that it would be helpful in understanding more of what some women experience.  Stay, but know that things are about to get a bit personal.

    If you could see my google search history from about two years ago you would come across all things mental health.  As the world began to shut down from CoVid, my anxiety rapidly increased.  I was grasping for help but couldn't seem to get a grip.  I know I wasn't alone in this, the world was experiencing a full-blown pandemic, but there were some days that I could say I was absolutely fine, and then others when I felt out of control.  So the days that I would feel upset I would just chalk it up to being a bad day.  And I had some really bad days.

    Well, you know google.  That wasn't a great idea. I decided that it wouldn't hurt to talk to a counselor and I'm so grateful that I did.  Just talking about what I was experiencing was helpful, but I didn't realize that this conversation would change my life.  Literally.

    My counselor asked me questions regarding my menstrual cycle and it clicked.  This wasn't just your typical PMS symptoms. Cramps, irritability, and bloating are par for the course with my cycle, but I had no idea that the uncontrollable mood swings, anxiety attacks, angry outbursts, and crying spells were part of something more.  She suggested I talked to a medical doctor about what I was going through because she felt that they would be able to treat what was going on.

    But what was going on?

    Later that week, I was diagnosed with PMDD, which stands for Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder.  It's technically an endocrine disorder, but people with PMDD can also experience an array of mental health symptoms like anxiety, suicidal feelings, and depression.

    It's been about two years since then and I have to say, meds help.  I'm on an SSRI medication that helps stabilize my hormones, increasing the amount of serotonin in my brain.  It's been life-changing for me and so empowering to take back control over my emotions, feelings, thoughts, and actions during that time of the month.

    I'm grateful to have had the push from my counselor to see a doctor and to get this under control when I did.  I was told that the level of change in hormones as we near premenopause and menopause will only increase as I age.  And I write this blog knowing that yes, it's personal, but hopefully helpful to anyone that might be experiencing something similar.  I wouldn't wish untreated PMDD on anyone, it's hard, confusing, and even debilitating some days.  But there is help and there is hope.

    There is also humor:  In American Sign Language, the sign for having your period is basically punching yourself in the face.  That feels very accurate.

    All joking aside, reach out if you need help. And I'm here if you have questions.  Share this with someone who might need it.

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Photo by Arisa Chattasa on Unsplash